The terrifying reality of ageing women & why the ad industry needs to reset its definitions

According to some, I’m a pain in the arse. 

“You seem to trigger a certain type of man,” my sister said to me, recently. “Not all men. A type of man. You make them angry, but I’m not sure why. Is it your personality, do you think?” 

I wasn’t sharing my opinions underneath their toilet stall or at the funeral of a family relative. It was in the office, during office hours.

I’ve irritated a few men in my time. 

*Gestures to the barman for another scotch on the rocks* *Barman slides it down the bar* 

Dare I say it, insecure men. Men with transient positions and demonstrable bias, stuck in between the rock of finding my existence bothersome and a hard place of me being great at my job. The last decade has involved these fellas telling me how to behave, and that “now is not the time” for my opinions. 

I think what it is… for a certain type of man… in a totally unexpected twist of fate… I got older.

Confusing, since I wasn’t sharing my opinions underneath their toilet stall or at the funeral of a family relative. It was in the office, during office hours. 

I’m not sure it’s entirely me that’s the trigger, that I’m not nice. Or that I became less attractive, or find it hard to respect fundamentally disreputable people, or even that my leftwing views contradict theirs. Instead, I think what it is… for a certain type of man… not all men… but a certain type of man… is that… in a totally unexpected twist of fate… I got older. 

I’m not sure it’s entirely me that’s the trigger, that I’m not nice. Or that I became less attractive.

Yeah, that’s right. I aged. And somehow, as I aged - metamorphosed from late-20s eager-to-please smiler to opinionated, less perky ‘new order’ 30-something with my own ideas and vision for how things should be - their definition of me changed. I became a pain in the arse. 

Then I saw the definition. Bint, wench, maid. Powerful terms, just kind of festering under the word ‘woman’.

‘Pain in the arse’ can be a synonym for ‘woman who won’t do as she’s told’. I’ve been thinking about this since I saw an online petition last week demanding the Oxford Dictionary change its - allegedly sexist - definition of women. My first thought was, does it matter? It’s not like kids read the dictionary every day. People use the Oxford Dictionary to begin wedding speeches and conference presentations… that’s about it. 

Over time, society has created shortcuts to an image of women based on three things: sex, age and the extent to which we behave.

Then I saw the definition. Bint, wench, maid. Powerful terms, just kind of festering under the word ‘woman’. Wedged in people’s minds. Our unspoken yet embedded definitions frame the way we see the world and how we react to things. They inform the stories we tell and the way we feel. Over time, society has created shortcuts to an image of women based on three things: sex, age and the extent to which we behave. But let’s park sluts, chatterboxes and busybodies for now. 

Above: Aunt Bessie's 'old biddies'.

The ad industry does not favour ageing. We know this. Jane Evans’ GoFundMe to save her and two Uninvisibility Project peers from bankruptcy and eviction is testament. The Uninvisibility Project serves as profile and promotion for some of the most talented, awarded and inspiring women in the prime of mid-life in our industry, when 72% of women over 50 believe advertising doesn’t apply to them. According to the study by JWT, 81% of these women said they did not recognise themselves in advertising targeted at their generation. 

Any marketer using a cliched stereotype in 2020 would be a fool of the highest degree.

That we’re moving away from Aunt Bessies' old biddies and gossiping Maureen Lipmans in creative towards the - albeit slightly tokenistic - inclusion of a 63 year old woman in Sweaty Betty ads is the right direction. But any marketer using a cliched stereotype in 2020 would be a fool of the highest degree. It’s not always what we see that’s the problem. The problem lies in our definitions and implications of those definitions. Because they’re not changing. 

The ad industry is riddled with crap audience definitions. Must I mention Millennial cliches?

For every ad campaign both media and creative are required to ‘define’ the target audience. The ad industry is riddled with crap audience definitions. Must I mention Millennial cliches? They crave experiences and use their mobiles, go on marches, we get it. Even now, most audience definitions begin with age. Age is a planning comfort blanket. This lazy, un-insightful proxy for likely-to-purchase. And immediate - also lazy - assumptions are made by planners upon hearing an age. Assumptions about life stage, lifestyle and outlook on life. 

Apparently I woke up on my 35th birthday a cougar! With no libido. Grey, matted hair and lacking lust for life.

In the media world, over 35 is old. Apparently I woke up on my 35th birthday a cougar! With no libido. Grey, matted hair and lacking lust for life. I started going to the opera and feeling sad. On the day I turned 35 I stopped having periods, leaked while running for the bus and began dancing really badly. I became Conservative. Shunned high heels and sought comfy shoes (actually that last part is true.) Target audience definitions are a joke. Don’t even get me started on mums; this big lump of women, defined by reproduction, all with the same needs, desires and kids. 

 The over 35s can have the thick, beige foundation while the 18-to-24s boast a dewy glow.

Above: Maureen Lipman in the 1980s BT campaign.

“Your customers aren’t as young as you say they are,” I said to a beauty brand in a pitch, once. We’d done our maths and worked out most of their loyal buyers were in their 30s. We suggested segmenting based on mood, instead. “No,” replied the brand manager. “We want the younger ones.”  

Interestingly, the most senior positions in these beauty companies are held by… well, you know.

It’s sometimes claimed this 18-to-24, 25-to-34, 35+ approach is to avoid cannibalisation amongst brands that sit within a broader portfolio. But… but… but… yesterday I bought a purple lipstick. Is my money not welcome? Are the shop assistants in Boots contractually required to place a paper bag over my head as I hand over the cash? Interestingly, the most senior positions in these beauty companies are held by… well, you know. Who run the ad industry? Not girls. 

If young women are no longer afraid of getting older, a lot of very rich, powerful people might get poorer.

We’ve been defining everyone by their fears for decades. Fear of getting older. Fear of being uncool. Fear of having a shit car. Fear of getting fat. But if young women are no longer afraid of getting older, a lot of very rich, powerful people might get poorer. What if young girls couldn’t wait for their 40s and 50s and 60s and 70s?  

What if Cindy Gallop’s ambitions were realised, to “reinvent what older women talk like, look like, fuck like”? 

What if Cindy Gallop’s ambitions were realised, to “reinvent what older women talk like, look like, fuck like”? What if getting older meant louder, more secure, confident, more respected, more visible, richer, more united? You know what women become, then? A pain in the arse. 

Have a read of what the outstanding Minnie Driver tweeted last month:

Above: Actress Minnie Driver's tweet about ageing from last month.

It’s only as I get older I appreciate how fucked-up society’s attitude to age is. I don’t want to fear getting older. At the moment, the only thing I’m truly scared of is crossing busy roads, and I’d like it to stay that way. Stop defining people - women - by their age, unless absolutely necessary. Clients, planners, creatives need to understand that the world changing isn’t just the stuff of trends docs. It begins with our definitions. 

Young people are awful with age; like they think it’ll never happen to them. But as long as you’re alive, getting older is the one inevitability, and everyone deserves to be treated with respect both in front of, and behind the scenes. 

Clients, planners, creatives need to understand that the world changing isn’t just the stuff of trends docs. It begins with our definitions.

*Sips on scotch* *Orders another* 

That I am defined as a pain in the arse by some (not all) men doesn’t matter, because I refuse to define myself that way. I will age proudly and imperfectly. Every day I will bat back society’s attempts to define me, as many women do. But the ad industry can reset its definitions, too. Make them more informed, realistic and ageless. Where some women are married, some aren’t. Some of us have kids, some don’t. 

The ad industry can reset its definitions, too. Make them more informed, realistic and ageless.

We’re all successful, we’re all enough. Some of us have annoying personalities, some have less annoying personalities. None of us really like opera. We can all wear purple lipstick, even boys can wear purple lipstick! And we’ll all be flawed. But none of us are afraid. Imagine that.