A quote that has always steered me well in life comes from the street artist Banksy; "learn how to be good at cheating and you'll never have to be good at anything else." The truth of this statement has been tried, tested and has turned up trumps on many an occasion.
By Rory Forrest
When I was young, my family and I used to play Monopoly, however we always played with one single objective; to win. Everybody cheated, the person best at cheating always ended up winning. As a result I became very good at cheating.
One day at University, Rory bought a Monopoly board home, so all of the housemates sat down to enjoy a game. After about 5 throws of the dice I was completely dominating, and after about 10, I had won outright. Afterwards everyone was talking about how unbelievably lucky my playing had been. That is, until I explained my method of winning. Of course it was not by chance that within my first few throws I had both Mayfair and Park Lane under my belt, it was not by chance that I had just enough money to buy a single hotel on the most prime board location and it was certainly not by chance that all 4 housemates would subsequently land on it.
After this news broke, there was uproar, but it only lasted about 15 minutes. The thing is, in Monopoly you have to cheat, otherwise it's a game of pure chance, there is no skill involved, and where's the fun in that? In all truthfulness, everyone had been cheating- sneaking an extra hundred when passing go, taking one more step than the dice would allow, conveniently picking up the wrong property deeds. However, I was the only one who had cheated outright, which is why I was the one that won.
Rory and I have found that these rules also apply to life post grad. Everyone is cheating a little; passing themselves onto agencies through bogus contacts, turning up for meetings that don't exist, and generally cutting corners when it comes to the little things. However, cheating outright is the only real way to ensure a win.
With this in mind, it would be true to say that one of the most essential life skills an unemployed graduate can learn is Photoshop.
When you are broke and jobless, the one thing standing between you and a perfect job could be something as little as a National Express ticket that you can't afford, a letter of recommendation that you lost, or even a degree that you don't have. And the perfect weapon against all of these unlikely giants, is Photoshop.
Last week was a perfect example of this; Rory and I had both forgotten to attend our jobseekers allowance review and hadn't realized until a week later. As this was strictly against the rules, we found ourselves in a tough spot. We couldn't tell the truth or our claims would be cancelled, alongside our funds and all of the book crits we had painstakingly organized in London over the subsequent few weeks. However, the only legitimate excuse available to us would require proof… 20 minutes and half a cheese sandwich later, we both had official pieces of headed paper, confirming that we were at a week long interview to become contestants on the all new Apprentice. Another giant slain, another cheat made and were one move closer to our final win.
So what's going for us at the moment? I am still pimping out our book in New York, and Rory is doing the same in London. For December we have managed to secure a month at A.K.Q.A N.Y. We have gotten into this years Cream show on the 10th of October (run by The Talent Business in London). And apparently a C.D at J.W.T is eager to get us both in for a "chat" as soon as I get home. Things are starting to pick up.
If anyone would like to get us in for a crit, has some advice to share, or is just really bored, we would absolutely love it if you gave us an email. Either way, tune back in two weeks from now for a few more titillating tales from the deep end.
forrestandbeale@gmail.com
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