The antidote to imposter syndrome

I’m standing on the sidewalk in Manhattan, taking a breather from my first million-dollar shoot, and let’s just say, things are not going well. 

To put it bluntly, it’s a disaster, overseen by a renowned director for a major client. Now, it’s true that this particular production seemed doomed before I ever took the reins. From the budget to the timeline, the project was strained. I’m on the phone venting to a non-industry friend about the situation, seemingly at a loss for what to do next, and worrying for the umpteenth time that a real producer would have the right experience to know immediately what miracle move would save it all.

That’s when my friend said four words that would literally change my life: “Hillary, you’re the producer.”

It seems so obvious now, but for me, this clicked in a way that it never had before. Standing on that busy street, I realised that I was the solution. I knew what needed to happen. Because I was the producer. This transformative moment saw me metaphorically stop "faking it" and begin "making it."

There’s no quick fix to imposter syndrome.

That mind-shift helped me acknowledge that, while there were many factors I couldn’t change about this particular production, there were plenty of elements that I could control. I focused on empowering every person on the team, and for the final six hours of the shoot, really prioritised maintaining a positive vibe on set. By highlighting our triumphs and minimising the shortfalls, we were able to wrap feeling accomplished, and the campaign even proved successful.

Surprisingly, a couple of days later, I received a call from my executive producer and he offered me a three-month job with his most valuable client. He reached out because of the feedback he’d gotten from this last job, the one I was sure was a career-ender. The agency producer had called to say how impressed they were by how the difficult job was handled, and that the agency and client had a positive experience – a miraculous feat, all things considered.

This feedback further validated my new approach and cognitive leap. I didn’t have to pretend or hope that I had all the answers, or follow a predetermined path. I could trust myself, based on years of hands-on experience and well-honed intuition. I understood that for me “supposed to” paralyses and hampers. It assumes you are there to fulfil the purpose of someone else’s design.

I didn’t have to pretend or hope that I had all the answers.

I learned a lot on that shoot, and on other shoots like it. I’ve been in the ad industry for 23 years, starting as a PA driving trucks around New York City to now running two successful production companies as managing director - Magnetic Field, founded by The Russo Brothers and Justin Lin, and The Directors Bureau, founded by Roman Coppola.

Self-doubt is the enemy of creativity, yet it’s experienced universally - both by accomplished industry veterans and young professionals. “If only I were smarter, had more experience, worked harder, slept less…”