The James Hilton Column: No Idea...

I can’t think of what to write. I’ve got nothing. The editor’s gonna kill me. I’ll have a bath. I’ve had a bath and I’ve still got nothing. But it’s ok because I’m not panicking. Or at least I’m telling myself I’m not panicking. But you know that I am. It is now vitally important that I make sure all the cushions in my living room are aligned absolutely correctly.

This is just the sort of thing ‘they’ tell you to do when you can’t think of anything. Disengage the brain and all that. I know, I’ll reorganise my cutlery drawer too, that’ll really disengage me. I tell you, I’m all over this disengagement shit, this is really going to help I can feel it.

So that’s a full hour of that, let's sit down, restart Word, and see what we’ve got. Not a sausage. Arse.

I’m consoling myself with the thought that I feel like this all the time. Since I can remember I have begun each new project with an impending sense of doom and failure. My head tells me really helpful things like ‘you know it’s been luck so far don’t you?’ and ‘you know luck runs out don’t you?’ and ‘they’re all going to see you for the fraud you and I know you are.’ Good feedback.

Thanks head. But it’s true. Yes, I can come across as an arrogant, self-assured twat – but its just bluster. But bluster to myself rather than anyone else. Do you get this too? God I hope so.

Some refer to this as creative block. I don’t know if it is. If it is, it’s pretty bloody selective because it doesn’t stop me immediately wanting to be creative on any number of other subjects apart from the one I’m meant to be being creative on. Focussing on it just makes it disappear.

It's like trying to look at stars at night – you can’t see them if you look straight at them, you need to ‘look’ at them with your peripheral vision (eyes have two types of cells: rods and cones. Cones are for when you look directly at something and they come in HD and colour, rods are SD peripheral vision but amazing at low light and motion detection. Which is why people always talk about ‘seeing it move out of the corner of their eye’ – I’ll shut up)

Anyway, that’s what ideas are like. So if ideas are in the peripheral vision, and you can only see them by not looking at them, how do you find them when you can’t not see them?

Let us consider flying: On the art of flying, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy states "There is an art to flying, or rather a knack. Its knack lies in learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, that presents the difficulties.”

This is as close as I’ve ever found to something approaching sound advice for coming up with ideas. Firstly, you must learn how to throw yourself at the ground and miss (have an idea). One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally (without having an idea).

It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't (don’t think about having an idea). You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it (distraction is key).

It is notoriously difficult to prise your attention away from these three things: falling, ground, hurt, (failure, deadline, fired) during the split second you have at your disposal. If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above the ground in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner (you have an idea – a fairly tenuous one, but an idea. So don’t knock it.).

Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful (feedback on your idea). They are most likely to say something along the lines of "you can't possibly be flying!" or “that doesn’t resonate with me”. It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.

Waft higher and higher. Try a few swoops, breathe. DO NOT WAVE AT ANYBODY (grow the idea, take it somewhere and see what happens to it, don’t start showing it around to people or it will suddenly be an ex-idea.)

To help with the all important moment of distraction there are private flying clubs you can join (agencies). They hire people with surprising bodies or opinions (other creatives) to leap out from behind bushes and exhibit and/or explain them at the critical moments (collaboration).

And it bloody works too. I got so distracted with all the excitement of talking about rods, cones and The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy that I completely forgot to come up with an idea and somehow managed to finish this month’s column, and make it an almost useful guide for overcoming creative block. I couldn’t agree with me more on that.