The James Hilton Column: Want my advice?...

... Well you're getting it anyway.

So that was 2013 was it? Hmm… not sure what to make of it really. Some bits amazing. Some properly shit. Like most peoples' I guess.

But what last year has left me with is a very distinct sense of becoming ever so slightly wiser. I don’t think I’m at the Neo-Matrix end of the ‘Getting Wiser’ scale just yet. More like a monkey who realises it’s bad to drink their own wee (or use frogs as sex toys - Google it. Simply astonishing).

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It's not often you consciously recognise that you've learnt an important lesson, nor even that you actually understand the required actions or recalibrations to ensure such unpleasant experiences don’t occur again. At least, not in exactly the same way. This last year I learnt some pretty fundamental things that would not only be of profound usefulness in my daily life, but also in my work. Apart from the frog thing.

So being the people-person that I am, I thought I'd share some of it here with you. Well, that and the more pressing motivation that I didn't know what else to write and my deadline was looming. So sit back, strap in, and prepare to absorb my pearls of recently attained wisdom (or flashes of the blinding obvious - whichever works).

1. Be ruthless

Just to clarify, this doesn't translate into ‘be a wanker’. Wankers couldn't give a toss (ha-ha) about anyone's feelings and so act accordingly. Being ruthless is more about being so with yourself. It's about recognising that you will have to make very difficult decisions and the best way to make them is to just get on with it and don’t look back.

Lots of people talk in terms of wishing they had 20/20 hindsight after the fact. The truth is, we all do have this super power, it's the little voice in your head. The little voice knows what being ruthless means, and it tells us. It’s just that what it tells us isn’t often what we want to hear. It tells us stuff that probably won't win us any friends. The bottom line is, in work as in life, if it doesn't make sense anymore, then don't waste yours and everyone else's time by carrying on. Move on, be glad that you did and never look back.

This might not make you very popular in the short-term, but eventually your actions will be seen as the right choice, and the door that opened onto brighter and better things. The best way to learn and move on from your mistakes is to ruthlessly admit them to yourself rather than blame them on someone else.

2. Be kind

Seemingly in direct contradiction to the last little pearl, this one reminds us that even if we have to do things that won’t go down well at all with others, we can still act with kindness. It’s the old ‘put yourself in their shoes, how would you wish to be treated?’ chestnut.

This isn’t an easy trick to pull off, as I’m sure you know, but it's essential to employ as you move through the world, especially in business. Just don’t let anyone mistake your kindness for weakness. That said, being hurt doesn't give you the right to hurt anyone. Clear? Thought not. Moving on...

3. Now is everything

Right now, this moment, is everything that matters. Yesterday happened already, you can’t change it. Tomorrow is... who knows? The question really is: 'am I making the very best use of this moment?' Or put slightly more melodramatically: 'if this is my last moment on Earth, and so this is my last action, would I be proud of me?'.

But that's getting a bit heavy - the point is that I see people who focus on planning the future to such a degree that they miss out on now. I’m not saying planning is bad, just don’t lose sight of what you have now. Far better to plan to pivot. This is more in tune with how life actually happens. Adapt to survive.

As General Schwarzkopf once said ‘no good plan survives contact with the enemy’, meaning: things change that you will have no control over so there is little point desperately hanging onto a plan that is no longer relevant in new circumstances.

To put this in a slightly less militaristic light, as a very wise man once said 'ready your fields for a good harvest next year, but make hay while the sun shines'. You won’t be able to control what people do or how situations change, but you can control how you react to them. Which brings me onto my next little pearl...

4. Dignity and honour

These are the two most important words you will ever hear, I think at least. They are old words, and not often heard in business these days, but they are the foundations of anything of worth. If you can conduct yourself, in the face of adversity, with dignity and honour you will always come out on top eventually.

‘Success is the best revenge,’ someone once told me, but this does beg the question ‘what is success?’. Success, I believe, is peace of mind. It isn’t about monetary wealth or the acquisition of material goods, it is simply the feeling that you have done the right thing. And that you believe that with absolute certainty. Living and dealing with people and situations with dignity and honour takes tremendous effort and self-control, and your efforts to behave in such a way will be misinterpreted by many.

No matter how carefully you choose your words, they'll always end up being twisted by others. That's life. But by living and working this way, you will never have to sacrifice your dignity for your destiny.

5. Be your best

This is what differentiates ‘good’ from ‘brilliant’. In terms of work, in terms of companies, in terms of people, in terms of you. Like most of the pearls you’re being subjected to here, this one isn’t easy. In fact, it’s the hardest one of all. Being the best requires you to make unreasonable demands of yourself - you should never make unreasonable demands of others, they need to do that for themselves, which means you might end up doing their work, which you can’t grumble about.

There is no point doing anything unless you are doing the very best you can. Nobody likes a half-arsed effort, least of all when it’s you - you know the feeling. But also nobody can ask any more of you if you are giving your very best. Of course being the best doesn't mean you'll never be beaten. It just means that even when you are beaten, you'll never let it defeat you.

And when it comes to being the best you that you can be, it is yet again simple to say but difficult to do: be yourself no matter what anyone says. Because sometimes it makes no difference how well you conduct yourself, some people just won’t like you. There’s not much you can do about that. People are going to judge you. People will say things about you that aren’t true. People will try to undermine you. Just remember that when they do, it says nothing about you, and everything about them. 

6. Be brave

‘What would you do if you weren't afraid?’ I read this on one of those motivational postcards you see in peoples offices. I often find the irony of their placement more interesting than the actual statement (‘Dare to dream’ in a cubicle farm). But this one played on my mind, and whilst it wasn't a particularly new thought, the phrasing of it got me thinking of how I could use it to make our work better.

What was I afraid of? Looking like an idiot? Being wrong? And how differently would I act if those fears were removed? What would I be able to do? The truth is, sometimes what you fear the most is the very thing that will set you free. Sometimes, the only reason we hang on is simply because we're afraid of what will happen when we let go. So listen to your inner voice, the one who speaks without fear, and let go. Because if not now, when?

So there you have it; the entirety of what I learnt in 2013. Only took me forty years. Have a nice 2014. And spare a thought for the frogs. They really do have to put up with some nasty shit.