A Day In The Life Of Mark Denton

06.00 All in order: Check last night’s email... I’m not sure why I’ve been briefed that I mustn’t wear jeans on my recce of two stately homes today. If they’re in such a state, surely it doesn’t matter..?

06.15-06.30 Morning prep: Ablusions… shit, shower... and shave.

07.00 Dressing made easy: Selecting a pair of my custom-made tweed jeans (I call them tweans). I know what they said but they must mean other people’s kind of jeans. Mine are not ripped at the knees.

07.15 Bowler hat fabulous: Decisions, decisions but why pick an ordinary bowler when you one can select a hairy one?

07.20 Singing in the rain: Choosing an umbrella. This morning I’m torn between 'Widow Maker' and 'Excelsior'.

08.00 Morning, sunshine: First one in for breakfast at my favourite Austrian restaurant, Fischer’s, in Marylebone High Street. I ordered the Bircher Muesli. I think it’s got organic Birch in it. For a bunch of Austrians, they make a rather fine cup of tea. G’day Cobbers.

08.43 Act fast: Time to leave.

09.15 Too many trains: Where am I going again? The existential question along with why am I here? Oh yes, Rickmansworth.

09.30 Train trivia: On board with my producer Tim Marshall and Sam George (L) from Another Film Company... Are we there yet?

10:30 Pretty impressive: First location. Not bad... But is it posh enough?

10:45 Soaking in the culture: …it has got some arresting features. No wonder they called him Botticelli.

11.00 Luxury living: Not bad. But IS it posh enough?

11.30 Hmmm: Ornamental overload.

12.00 Scouting the local talent: This is how Grindr works, Tim.

15.00 Fit for a King: No, I’m not home yet, this is the second location.

16.30 At last...: Train journey back. Tim found fifty pence down the back of the seat. (R) Don’t worry Excelsior, we’ll be home soon.